


MILVESTUCK: THE MOIVE the book.

by hamifihekrix



Category: Homestuck
Genre: they're milves.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-27
Updated: 2019-12-27
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:48:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21951718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hamifihekrix/pseuds/hamifihekrix
Summary: this is a birthday present for my friend payton, payton if you're reading this ily <3
Relationships: Dave Strider / Karkat Vantas
Comments: 4
Kudos: 26





	MILVESTUCK: THE MOIVE the book.

So, Karkat. How exactly is your home life?  
KARKAT: WONDOUROUS THAT YOU WOULD ASK THAT SPECIFIC QUESTION  
KARKAT: YOU KNOW, THE MILF LIFE IS PRETTY GREAT.  
The question was about your home life.  
KARKAT: OH WELL THAT'S FINE TOO I GUESS  
KARKAT: MY WIFE BRINGS ME A LOT OF INSPIRATION, YOU KNOW?  
KARKAT: SOMETIMES IT JUST FEELS LIKE THEY'RE STABBING A STEAK THROUGH MY HEART AND FUCKING TWISTING THAT NOOKSUCKER YOU KNOW?  
KARKAT: ITS GUT WRENTCHINGLY ROMANTIC, BUT YOU HAVE TO BE THERE.  
...Right.  
So tell us more about Dave. What do they do?  
KARKAT: WELL YOU SEE IF I TOLD YOU THAT I WOULD HAVE TO STAB YOUR SIGHT GLOBES OUT AND EAT YOUR INTESTINES.  
KARKAT: HAHA. IT'S A JOKE FUCKFACE.  
KARKAT: DAVE WORKS OUT OF HOME AS A BUSINESS PERSON AND IS VERY ESTABLISHED IN THE BUSINESS COMMUNITY  
KARKAT: IT TELLS ME A LOT ABOUT YOU THAT YOU DON'T IMMEDIATELY THINK OF THEM WHEN YOU HEAR THE NAME "DAVE", BY THE WAY.  
Oh, well... uh... sorry about that.  
KARKAT: YOU SHOULD BE.  
This is derailing again.  
Karkat, your fans have been wondering-  
KARKAT: I HAVE FANS?????  
-what do you do with your spare time?  
KARKAT: OH, YOU KNOW. THE USUAL MILF THINGS.  
Which includes?  
KARKAT: WELL  
KARKAT: SOMETHING THEY DON'T TELL YOU IN MILF SCHOOL IS THAT THERE ARE A LOT OF TRADE SECRETS, AND A LOT TO LEARN.  
KARKAT: I'M AFRAID THERE'S NOT REALLY MUCH I CAN TELL YOU.  
KARKAT: YOU WOULD GET THE SAME ANSWER IF YOU WERE TO ASK DAVE ABOUT THEIR MILVERY SO DON'T EVEN FUCKING TRY IT BULGEBITER!!!  
So there's really nothing you can tell us?  
KARKAT: WELL, SURE, THERE ARE INCREDIBLY MINOR DETAILS I COULD TELL YOU, BUT DO YOU REALLY WANT YOUR DEPTH HOLES TO HEAR THAT?  
Yes.  
KARKAT: OH. WELL.  
KARKAT: YOU KNOW THE MOVIES? THAT HAVE MOTHERS IN THEM?  
KARKAT: YEAH. THAT.  
That?  
KARKAT: YUP.  
KARKAT: YOU MAY HAVE SOME PEOPLE TELL YOU THAT LIFE ISN'T LIKE THE MOVIES. THAT THEY'RE AN OVEREXAGGERATION, OR MAYBE EVEN AN UNDEREXAGGERATION SOMETIMES.  
KARKAT: BUT THE MILF LIFE DOES NOT HOLD ONTO THOSE SAME BARRIERS  
KARKAT: THE MILF LIFE IS EXACTLY LIKE THE FUCKING MOVIES AND ANYONE TRYING TO TELL YOU THAT IT'S EVEN A SLIGHT BIT DIFFERENT CAN EAT MY FUCKING NOOK AND LET ME SLAP THEM IN THE FACE BECAUSE IT'S NOT! IT'S FUCKING NOT.  
Now, tell me, is it correct that you and Dave do not have any children?  
KARKAT: THAT'S RIGHT. WE ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT THEY WOULD BRING US DOWN.  
So you're both milves, but neither of you have, or have had, any children?  
KARKAT: YES, THAT'S RIGHT.  
Would you like to further elaborate?  
KARKAT: NO.  
Alright then.  
KARKAT: IN FACT, NO MORE QUESTIONS. THAT'S MY WIFE CALLING IN NOW.  
Oh, well, thank you for having this interview with-  
KARKAT: BYE.  
KARKAT: YES, HELLO?  
DAVE: hi darling  
KARKAT: HOW ARE YOU?  
DAVE: fine fine work was the same as usual  
DAVE: there was some bitch who was talking shit about me but i snuck some lemon juice into her coffee so its all fair  
KARKAT: DID SHE KNOW IT WAS YOU?  
DAVE: if she did she didnt do shit about it  
DAVE: i got my revenge and what more do i need than that if were being honest here  
DAVE: anyway how was your day honey  
KARKAT: IT'S BEEN FINE, I'M AT THAT INTERVIEW PLACE I MENTIONED EARLIER.  
DAVE: oh am i interupting anything  
KARKAT: NO DON'T WORRY, WE JUST WRAPPED UP.  
DAVE: well howd it go then  
KARKAT: AGAIN, IT WAS FINE. THEY ASKED ME ABOUT YOU AT ONE POINT ACTUALLY  
DAVE: wait you didnt tell them anything did you karkles  
KARKAT: OF COURSE NOT.  
DAVE: good  
DAVE: oh on a complete other matter do we have anything at home for dinner  
KARKAT: YEAH I WENT GROCERY SHOPPING EARLIER TODAY. WHO'S COOKING?  
DAVE: that's the worst fucking question of course we're cooking together  
KARKAT: OH OF COURSE HAHA...  
DAVE: unless you dont want to  
KARKAT: NO, DON'T BE RIDICULOUS, OF COURSE I WANT TO. IT SOUNDS REALLY NICE..  
DAVE: great then  
DAVE: im about to start driving so ill talk to you later  
DAVE: i love you bye  
KARKAT: I LOVE YOU MORE.  
DAVE: no i love you more  
KARKAT: NO I LOVE YOU MORE.  
DAVE: no i love you more  
KARKAT: NO I LOVE YOU MORE.  
DAVE: no i love you more  
KARKAT: NO I LOVE YOU MORE.  
DAVE: no i love you more  
KARKAT: NO I LOVE YOU MORE.  
DAVE: no i love you more  
KARKAT: NO I LOVE YOU MORE.  
DAVE: no i love you more  
KARKAT: NO I LOVE YOU MORE.  
DAVE: no i love you more  
KARKAT: NO I LOVE YOU MORE.  
DAVE: no i love you more  
KARKAT: NO I LOVE YOU MORE.  
DAVE: no i love you more  
KARKAT: NO I LOVE YOU MORE.  
DAVE: no i love you more  
KARKAT: NO I LOVE YOU MORE.  
DAVE: no i love you more  
KARKAT: NO I LOVE YOU MORE.  
DAVE: no i love you more  
KARKAT: NO I LOVE YOU MORE.  
DAVE: no i love you more  
KARKAT: NO I LOVE YOU MORE.  
DAVE: no i love you more  
KARKAT: NO I LOVE YOU MORE.  
DAVE: no i love you more  
KARKAT: NO I LOVE YOU MORE.  
DAVE: no i love you more  
KARKAT: NO I LOVE YOU MORE.  
DAVE: no i love you more  
KARKAT: NO I LOVE YOU MORE.  
DAVE: no i love you more  
KARKAT: NO I LOVE YOU MORE.  
DAVE: no i love you more  
KARKAT: NO I LOVE YOU MORE.  
DAVE: no i love you more  
KARKAT: NO I LOVE YOU MORE.  
DAVE: no i love you more  
KARKAT: NO I LOVE YOU MORE.  
DAVE: ok bye <3  
  
\-- turntechMilf [TM] has hung up carcinoMilf [CM] \--  



End file.
